Yeah, yeah…anther TOP 10 LIST of movies we hate. You can find them all over the internet. Well, this one is a little different. This is a top 10 list of the worst comic book movies we love to watch! You know, it’s 1 in the morning and there’s nothing on cable, and then as you’re channel surfing…BAM! Judge Dredd is on. Terrible film but funny and shlockey at the same time. Here is our top 10 list…
10) The League Of Extraordinary Gentleman
Now this film, starring Sean Connery as Allan Quartermain leading a band of folk hero and anti heroes on a world saving adventure which include Dr. Jekyll, Tom Sawyer, Mina Harker, Captain Nemo and Dorian Grey would have been somewhat of an entertaining film, but for people who red the Alan Moore rendition of this epic, it was a great disappointment. Also, the all over the place plot line didn’t help. Who wouldn’t want to see a movie with the likes of some of American literature’s great characters? Unfortunately, this one didn’t translate well onto film.
9) Punisher: Warzone
Really, do I have to go into this one? Although I will say that the last one Punisher: Warzone came somewhat close to getting this thing right. I just can’t get how movie studios continue to get this one wrong. Guy’s family gets killed, guy goes on a punishment hunt, guy kills mobsters. Helllllloooooo!!! The over the top violence of Warzone is kind of the prize of the film, no character development, and Jigsaw is just played too campy in this one. Also, killing Micro was not cool.
8) The Hulk
With the recent success of the Avengers movie and the break out role of the Hulk in the film, hopes are that a third time will be a charm. It isn’t so much that the first Hulk film, featuring Eric Bana in the title role was bad, most estimates would say that it was just a blahhh film. Directed by Ang Lee, the film seemed to delve too much into the inner workings of the character and his id and the angst of the character. Nick Nolte as the deranged father of Banner was also a bit out of his element (So were the Hulk Dogs) Marvel-ites always like a good story, but they need a bit of smash action, which this movie lacked. Eric Bana plays an okay Banner, and Liv Tyler is nice to look at. The one thing this film has going for it is it’s the first all CGI version of the Hulk.
Constantine….a mix of bad acting and good actors in bad roles, that’s what this one winds up as. Keanu Reeves, Tilda Swniton, Rachel Weiz. How lucky has Keanu Reeves been in his career (Speed, Matrix trilogy, Bill and Ted) tent pole after tent pole film roles? This Constantine surely doesn’t resemble the comic book version. I will say, I still find this film utterly entertaining, angels, demons, supernatural…what’s not to like!
6) Judge Dredd
Let’s hope the new movie version of this very popular character is better than this dud. Sylvester Stallone dons the helmet of judge, jury ad executioner in this nineties comic book disaster. Acting sucked and this comes off more as an action adventure farce. Rob Schnieder as Dredds sidekick dooms any chance of a legitimate CBM as well. What this film has going for it is some kick ass Special Effects. This movie is one of those nineties films ushering in a new wave of SI (i.e.: Total Recall, Demolition Man) so as terrible as this film is, its eye candy for sci-fi geeks.
Jeez, where to begin with this one. Bad acting, bad casting, bad script. Looked like 20th Century Fox was going through the motions when they put this catastrophe together. Ben Affleck as Matt Murdock may go down as one of the worst casting mishaps of all time. What’s with all the voice changes? Did slightly enjoy the the name dropping through out the film though…Miller, Romita, Bendis. Loving the whole Quesada scum bag motif. Also, Collin Farrell as Bullseye steels the show, he plays it so over the top, and you can’t help but chuckle through out the film. This may go down as one of the worst comic book movies of all time, but entertaining a bit none the less.
4) Superman III
While the first Superman film was a smashing success and the second film brought some needed battle action with the introduction of General Zod and company, the third installment went way off course and added legendary comedian Richard Pryor, why you might ask, couldn’t tell you, just know that this one sucked balls. Lame acting, lame script and the evil Superman bit just doesn’t work.
3) Flash Gordon
What can you say about this classic shlockfest, bad acting (Sam J. Jones as Flash, Max Von Sydow as Ming) the outrageously outlandish costumes (maybe a pre curser to Masters of the Universe) and the constant jingle “Flash…Ahhhh!) The one and only good thing about the movie was the music through out composed by Queen. Although terrible in production and special affects, with the cheesy Hawkmen included, it’s hard to turn away when Flash Gordon is playing on one of numerous cable stations on a cable box near you.
2) Masters Of The Universe
I know, I know. Masters Of The Universe technically isn’t a comic book movie, but it really is. (Both Marvel and DC put out He Man comics in the 80’s) This is one pure epic disaster. Dolph Lundgren actually stars in his second disastrous comic related movie. (Punisher anyone?) Surprisingly, Lundgren does lead an all star cast which includes Meg Foster, Chelsea Field, Billy Barty, a young Courtney Cox, James Tolkan and the great Frank Langella. As bad as the effects are on this film, some of the character make up and design wasn’t all that terrible. But the crème de la crème was Langella’s portrayal of Skeletor. It has to be one of the shinning moments in comic book villainy.
1) Howard The Duck
In 1986, Marvel Comics and Lucas Film embarked on what both companies thought might be a grand idea to create the ultimate comic book movie…Howard The Duck. George Lucas was coming off a triumphant triple play with the Star Wars trilogy, and I guess he felt confident that he could pull this one off. Well, he was off, way off. The Movie bombed. But Howard The Duck is one of those films that lives on in afternoon TV heaven (most of the films on this list do) is awful, but you can’t stop watching once it’s on. Bad special effects, bad acting and bad duck!!! But hilarious to watch in its own quaky way! Sorry I had to!!